Yikes!

Original Weight: 293
Last Weight: 255
Current Weight: 252
Change in Weight: -3
Mood:

You know I'm still not having the best week. You would think that with maintaining the same bloody 5 lobs and having a rough weekend, and havine stomach problems attached to that, I would learn my lesson and eat well!

But alas, I went out and had BBQ last night! And I don't even enjoy it because the whold time I am thinking about how many points it is!

Today was a little better, even though it didn't start out well because I ate my left over BBQ. But luckily dinner was saving because it was burritos, and I even had enough left over to buy a Frutista! So yay! Hell, I still think I have some left over.

I am almost afraid of stepping on the scale though. I know, it's sad, and I need to own up to my over-eating, but I just can't do it! Maybe tomorrow. Maybe. I have to soon, and if I do it tomorrow it will give me an idea of where I stand and what I need to do.

I need to go to bed too. Sleep helps me from over-eating.

Calming Down

Original Weight: 293
Last Weight: 252
Current Weight: 255
Change in Weight: +3
Mood: Eh...

So for the most part, things are ok. I know I seemed a little...manic, the past few blogs, but really it's just a lot of built of frustration.

I am happy I reached the 40lb mark, even if I did fall a bit. I kinda hate that I squandered it away. I keep doing that. I need to get more discipline!

I am still at 255, which is one of the lowest weights I've ever been. I mean I know at some point, I must have been this weight. But I'll be damned if I remember when. It's probably been too long. And I've never exactly been weight conscious.

So I am back on the diet and I am going to try to go full force again. Tracking and everything! Just focus and try to go for it. I need to watch when I go out with J&S though. That is where I get in trouble. Although I was careful last night.

Anyway, to the friend front. J&S are so great! They've really stepped up to replace the vacant R. And I hardly ever have time to see C&A anymore. One of my high school friends, who's also named Rochelle, had become a lot closer as well!

I see the old group some of the time. We all went out a few nights ago and it was a ton of fun! But it's hard now with some of them being in new relationships.

I know I keep saying that I really want someone right now, but I really don't think it's in my best interest. Anbd I think I might actually be ok with that.

Well...maybe....

More Frustrations

Original Weight: 293
Last Weight: 252
Current Weight: 252
Change in Weight: 0
Mood: Frustrated! Still!!

Why the hell does my life have to be so shitty right now?! GRRR!!! I want to fucking scream!!

And fucking R keeps rubbing the new BF in my face!

I can do better then this! And I can be better then this!! And I will!! I'm at 40 lbs. I just need to stay on plan and start my running.

I WILL DO THIS!

150 lbs. total! I don't want to do anything less.

Frustration!

So I am making this more about everything and not just my weight. It's my whole guide to becoming a new me all around.

Original Weight: 293
Last Weight: 258 ish
Current Weight: 252
Change in Weight: 6 ish
Mood: Frustrated!

I am so very, very, very sick of being fat! Just disgusted with it and disgusted with myself for being this way. I can do better! This is below me.

I hate that I can't get a boyfriend because of it! It's bullshit! I'm fun! I'm pretty! And I deserve it!

I fell off for awhile and was eating whatever the fuck I wanted. No bueno! I gained too much! BAD! BAD! BAD!

And the bullshit part is that all my friends are hooked up now and happy. And I have no part in it. Single ladies club is getting small.

But like I said I can do better and I will! I am going to start running. I am going to do the couch to 5K. I will do better. And I will be thinner. End of story.

Sorry....I had a bad, bad, bad day. More on that later.