How Diet and Exercise screwed me over!

Interesting title, I know. And I mean it. Well, sort of.

WARNING: This blog deals with lovely girly issues. So if you think it'll be TMI, don't read it. It's won't bother me if you don't. :-) (it's not graphic, just a lot of info)

On January 18, 2009, I decided I didn't like my life or my weight. Some of it was born out of boredom, some out of resentment. I decided that if I wanted a new life, I could have it. Nothing was stopping me except for myself. So I did. In a year I lost 50lbs, got a better outlook on life, and made some big plans, all because I changed my diet and exercise.

That stupid little phrase has haunted me my whole life. I have stomach issues. Well diet and exercise. My back hurts. Diet and exercise. My knee feels out of joint. Diet and exercise, and my favorite came when I was 14, when I still hadn't yet had my first period. Diet and exercise. Thankfully, I am child of pop culture, and when my mothers Womans Day magazine told me, when I was 16, that there might be an underlying problem more severe, I listened. And they were right. Another trip to the doctor, this time to see one who specialized in Womens health, she confirmed my diagnosis. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrom. Big words for this: I make too much insulin, the insulin shuts down my horomones, I don't have a period. This was the major issue, but what would help? Diet and exercise.

Still, I never stuck to a diet long. The syndrom remained a problem for the next, oh 9 years. Menstruation was random, unpredictable, and always light. Until I started losing weight. And since about 30lbs, I have been somewhat regular. Often up to a week late, but nowhere near my old schedule of months late.

But there was another change as well, starting around 50lbs. The week leading up to my period, is AWFUL. I have horrible mood swings and awful depression. The likes of which I have never had before. I spend days lying around wanting to do nothing, contemplating calling in sick to work, despite the fact that I am fine. I don't want to talk to anyone or see anyone. I cry, I yell, I'm snarky, I'm lazy. It's awful! It feels like I am some alternate personality, and the real me is inside watching, knowing that this is so wrong and not really me.

About 2 months ago I began to talk to a doctor about it. She told me to keep a journal. How I felt each day, and at about what point in my cycle I was in. Sure enough, the last two months have matched. She can't treat me, or officially diagnose me because I am not really seeing her as a doctor, but as a friend (thanks to my lack of health insurance), but she says that I absolutly hae PMDD, Premenstral Disphoric Disorder, or Killer PMS.

I've begun taking St. John's Wort and B-12 to help. Today I can concentrating better and am in a much better mood then I was in yesterday. So the effect is already taking hold. The last thing she prescribe was the good old standard, diet and exercise. Figures. She says I need to cut caffine and chocolate, as they will contribute to my mood swings. If I didn't love this woman for all her free help, I would hate her so much!

I asked her, "so diet and exercise got me into this, and now it's going to get me out."

She laughed. "Yep, sorry kiddo."

She's also helping treat me for my foot, and has told me to not do the shred again (at full capacity at least) until Mon. I also have fancy new inserts for my shoes (which are helping!) and that I need to exercise with shoes on (lame!). So I have been doing strength, abs and yoga, no jumping. I am going to buy C's cardio yoga DVD tonight too, which should help.

I hate not doing the shred because despite the few negatives, I have so many positives. I generally like the way it make me feel, and I love the results. I've decided I am going to add 5 extra days to my 30 days. I feel like I need it. I want to do this fully! I want this to work!

Day 16? 17? I've lost track!

So I have no idea what day we are on! Anyone?

All I know is that level 2 seems to be aggrivating my plantar fasciitis (that is the actual spelling.) My darn foot is killing me today, I'm actually limping from it, I've never limped before! So I am out for the full workout today. I did, however, do many of the strength exercises and all of the ab exercises from both level one and two. Problem is, it doesn't feel like a workout. I think later on I am going to try and go for a bike ride. I figure it's a good way to get my cardio without putting the strain on my foot.

Good news is that I can feel the inflammation going down again, so I should be back at the workout tomorrow. And this time around I am going to wrap my foot before I workout, hopefully that should take care of it.

I have to say though, I did so well on the workout yesterday! I felt great! I wish I could feel that way everyday, and not be in the pain I am in today. :( Oh well.

Still kicking!

I am alive, albeit barely. This work out is kicking my ass again. But my new pants that I bought last month don't fit, so that is lovely. However, my weight has gone up. But I know I am supposed to be measuring how I feel and how I look and how my clothes fit.

And when I do yoga and I lift my arms, I can see my side in the mirror and it looks really nice. Just how I want it to look. Of course it goes away when my arms are down again, but the point is, it's slowly getting there.

I'm exhausted today, so that is all I am writing.

Day 11 & 12 & Pole Dancing Clumsiness

First comes the admittance. I have not started level 2 yet. I know, I know.

Yesterday after an early wake up call and a long day travelling I was in no mood to start something new, so I went for routine and did Level 1 again. Then I napped for several hours. Then I pole danced. And I sort of went for it in pole dancing and tried to step outside my box a little bit. Which worked and seemed fine, even though I did fall a few times. Until this morning when I could hardly walk on my left knee and right ankle, they were both stiff and slightly painful.

So this morning I hobbled around on both injuries until they loosened up and went to look at work out 2. I decided again to go back to one, but one jumping jack told me that wasn't going to work. So I did the strength and abs in level 1. But that feels like a half assed workout, so I think I am going to go back and do the strength and abs in level 2 as well.

Otherwise the knee and ankle are being iced and elevated. And my mood is low, probably with a combination of little work out, dull rain, pain and the anti-climax that is being home. Not to mention (gentlemen, stop reading here), I think this work out is messing with my cycle. I have all the tell-tale signs of starting the next 2 days when I shouldn't start for another week.

Day 10

So day 10 has been so easy and normal it almost feels like there is nothing to write. I did the workout sans dvd again today since I am still in California, then because again I felt like it, I went down to the gym and worked out there for awhile. I just did about 15 minutes on the treadmill and another 15 on the bike. Then some yoga and I was done. It felt good, but it'll be interesting to move onto the second level tomorrow. And there is pole dancing tomorrow. Shit, this might be hard.

On a related note, can one suffer from low altitude sickness? Shifting even between Alamosa and Denver, I feel changes, though never major. And going up to Mt. Evans I have to be very, very careful and make sure I hydrate like crazy. But today I feel very strange. Not bad, but different. Could it be low altitude sickness, or am I crazy? I do feel this way everytime I go here or LA or anywhere under about 1000 ft (Oakland is 42!!), so it's not a one off thing. I just don't know.

Day 9, coming to you from Oakland, CA

Let me start by telling you I am consuming a snowball at the moment. Let me add to that by say I freaking deserve the hell out of it! Here is the list of activity I had today. First, I walked all over DIA. Then I walked all over the Oakland airport. Both of these trips include lugging around my suitcase which is close to 40lbs and my carryon which probably is 40lbs. Then I walked around Mills College for 2 hours. When I got back to the hotel I took the stairs (to the 3rd floor) and I did that a couple times because I forgot stuff in the car.

Then I did my workout. Well, mostly. I couldn't bring the DVD, so I wrote down the workout and did it to the best of my ability. It was easier though, so either the altitude is effecting me, or I didn't do it well enough. Possibly both.

After workout I ate dinner, and since I am in glorious land that is the land of In-N-Out burger, I ate that for dinner (but I had a really good sandwich for lunch!). Then after dinner I was still bursting with energy so I headed down to the gym and biked for 10 minutes (because it sucked) and then walked/ran for 15. Then did some weights, then pushups and sit ups, then yoga.

After all of this and a long hot shower I discovered something. I was hungry for something sweet. Vending machine had snowballs. It's a slippery slope. And I had a chocolate croissant at the airport. This is a bad food day. But a good workout day! So....I'm even?

Hmm....

Week 2, Day 8

So a whole week of my 30 days has passed and today I started the second week. It has become so routine to me to get up and do this on the weekdays. The weekends are hard because so much goes on. Now my only concern is doing this the next couple days in Oakland. I think tomorrow I'll have to get up and do it before the flight, then I can take the DVD with me and play it on my computer. That is my theory at least. We'll see what happens.

A New Day 7

Whoa do I feel better!

Something evil had been brewing all weekend long and with my half-assed workout yesterday, and no workout this morning, I had nowhere to push my energy. However, that made for an AMAZING workout when I got hom.

I took all the tension and stress and anger and focused it into my workout. First of all, I couldn't listen to any of the bloody music anymore, so I made a workout playlist for my iPod. I turned that on, and started to work out. Circuit one I seemed to be flailing just as I normally do, but circuit 2, I worked out all the aggression (I think it's those punches!), then circuit 3, I was dancing during all the jumping. Then I added some yoga and a long shower and I was a new woman.

I still love this workout. And I love that we have chosen to do this. I love feeling good, eating good, living good! And I love, love, love my friends that are doing this with me. They are amazing!

Some days!

I hate movies with torture or movies about the Holocaust or anything like that. I can not understand how any human being could do such harm. How is the human race capable of genocide, murder, slavery, any of it? It's awful.

Lately though, I am beginning to see how. I look at how I am treated at work. Or for that matter how some of my friends are treated at work. How dare you treat me like I am less then you, lower? Why do people come in to a theatre with such entitlement? I don't owe you shit!

This entire weekend had been full of people yelling and being rude. Treating me awfully. And a thousand other things. Cast member taking beer and soda and not paying it. Telling me they'll "kill everyone in the lobby" if they don't get a soda they can't pay for. Throwing things at me. Taking what they want.

I have never walked into somewhere and just expected everyone on the staff to swan around me and give me everthing I want. And I am an attention whore! I love attention. It's been the reason I have lost friends and squandered relationships. I want attention and I want it now and I want it my way. But I never do this shit in public and dump it on some poor unsuspecting person who is just trying to do their job.

People are horrible! And I am sick and tired of it.

And more and more, I feel like I am being told to just deal with it. Let the petulant and spoiled behavior continue and just ignore it. Why? No one should ever be rewarded for that type of behavior. People who are kind an patient should be rewarded.

On a somewhat related note, I really am starting to hate and despise everything (and in some cases, everyone) I once loved. Is it the things I love that are changing? Or is it me? Am I disengaging from it all to save myself the pain when I leave in August? Is it a sign for God, or the gods, or the Universe that this is not my rightful place any more? Am I becoming someone else? Are they?

I wish I had the answer.

Days 6 & 7

Alright, I finally have a chance to just breathe for a moment. Albeit, barely. I am still at work, just waiting for the show to get out.

So yesterday was a weird day. I woke up and felt awful, totally sick to my stomach. I figured it was just the lack of sleep I had gotten and I told myself that if I got up and worked out I would be fine. So I turned on the DVD, stretched out and started. First set up jumping jacks made me queasy. Second set made me nauseous. By the third set I had to run to the bathroom. I didn't throw up, but I was that queasy. So I went back, skipped all the cardio and just did strength and abs, which seemed ok. I know it's not the full work out, and I feel awful, but something about jumping was turning my stomach.

Today I could not get out of bed (for several extraneous reasons) and decided I was probably just going to leave work angry, so I might as well save the workout for after. And boy am I glad I did. I am going to need a way to work out my frustration after this. I'm going to write another blog about that, so if you want to find out why I am so bogged down you can read it, and if you just like keeping up on how weight loss and the work out is going, you can just skip it.

Crazy Weekend

I have been working like mad. Like 11 hours yesterday. I did workout, but I haven't written. When I get a second to myself, I promise I will write.

Phew! Day 5.

So I went out last night to pole dancing class and I have to say I was way stronger at pole dancing then I have been. The first class I hurt for a week after, so I have been taking it easy every class since. However, when I got to class last night, I just felt like going crazy, and I totally did. It was so fun, and minus for the new bruises I feel pretty good about it.

Because of my adventurous nature last night, I expected to hurt this morning, but nope felt great. I even slept in, and set my alarm for 10am, got up 15 minutes before the alarm even went off. It was fabulous. I actually just laid in bed just looking at the sunshine playing on the ceiling thinking about how great I feel. Sat up, still no pain from last night. Total win!

That was of course until I actually began to work out. Then the pain came. In my arms this time, and normally my arms seem fine. Suddenly push ups were really hard. I stopped multiple times. I also seemed to hurt my knee and ankle last night. But I pushed on and still felt great afterwards, despite some minor shoulder pain.

Oh well, there will be good days and bad days right?

The best part is the energy. Why didn't anyone tell me about the amazing amount of energy I would gain from this? I am less stressed, more clear thinking, I can work longer, tolerate more. It's fabulous. The ultimate test comes tomorrow when I work a double. We'll see. The only problem is that I seem to crash at about 9pm and there is little to no recovery. The only thing I can do is watch tv or sleep. But until that point, I have boundless energy. Like I said, tomorrow will be the test.

Day 4

I actually feel like I have very little to say about Day 4. The workout is becoming somewhat routine. It almost feels like talking about my workout would be just as boring as talking about brushing my hair. And I have exciting hair, it's always tangled!

The workout is still hard, but it gets easier everyday. I can sustain longer, and the pain in my muscles is going away. When I woke up this morning I didn't feel any of the pain I had felt in the days before. The pain does seem to resurface during the workout though, mostly in my quads. And for some reason the jumping is killing my calves. Hell, my calves kill me long before the cardio aspect does.

I checked my weight today, I am down to 245.6 which is quite a change from the 246.7, and for 4 days, 1.1 lbs is a lot! It's not going to add up to 30lbs in 30 days, but they tell you results are not typical. Still if I lose 1.1 lb every 4 days that is 7.7 lbs in 28 days. So I would estimate that it would come down to 8 lbs in a month. I can handle 8lbs in a month. That means I can be 238 at by mid May, and 202 by the time I move to Cali.

Of course all the pens on whether or not a I stick to the diet and workout plan. And I still having really big dinners, what happens if I cut those? Intriguing.

What Strange and Wonderous Thoughts are These...

I had a good day. Let's start there. The air has been full of positivity all day long. I good work out, I hurt way less then yesterday, and things seemed to be going my way. I got up and went to work, even did 2 classes when I normally have Wednesdays off. Energy bounding all day.

Then, after my last class as I was driving home down Jewell, skipping traffic for once, I was staring at the mountains, enjoying the sunset and I thought to myself, "I want to go for a walk...or maybe even exercise." Yeah! I want to exercise. And on a day that I have already exercised on! Who am I? Who have I become? I like her!

Now, turns out that I have a lot to do tonight, and I likely won't get the change to get much exercise in, but really the point is that I wanted to. I NEVER want to! It's such a great feeling. And to B, C, & D, my lovely partners in crime, part of the credit is due to you. I can't wait to get online everyday to see how your days were. Keep up the good work, you are all so AWESOME!!

Oh and I got Chinese for dinner, just lettuce wraps! Oh and an egg roll. What a happy girl am I!

Take that Day 3!

So I had issues getting my ass out of bed this morning. I set the alarm for 8. Then hit snooze and didn't wake up until 9:15!! I don't even rememeber hitting snooze that much. I've decided that I need to go back to my iHome clock, not my celly. Much better and I can pick a song to wake up too!!

While lying in bed trying to convince myself to get up, I laid in bed debating. I hurt so much yesterday and I was really tired, I thought to myself "just skip today, rest, and get back to it tomorrow."

So I sat up, got out of bed and I felt great! So great I could in no way justify not doing the work out, plus the guilt was eating away at me. So I got up, did the workout and can I tell you something? Totally made that work out my bitch!

Sticking to my diet at night though has been horrible. On Monday I indulged in far too much salad, then last night I went overboard on hummus and falafel. But I just keep telling myself I could be over indulging on cake and ice cream and cookies, so at least it's healthy food. Right?

I don't know. I do know that I love my new commitment to my diet, my super awesome new workout, the great friends that are working with me, and terrific mood that all of this puts me in!

Day 2....kill me now?

The pain of Day 2!! Oh the pain!! I had to push myself to even get out of bed today, let alone do the workout. And of course I get up, turn the work out on, hit pause and start to stretch leaving my remote on the edge of my bed where my cat promptly sits on top of them and begs for attention. Somehow I found the strength to say, "No Gus!" and continue on my way.

I have to say that after working out, I hurt less then I did straight out of bed, although that being said, I still hurt. A lot. My thighs, my stomach, a little bit my neck. I did my lovely yoga as well and that has seemed to make some of the pain lessen as well (and Gus did some yoga with me!)

Now I am taking a little break before getting in the shower. I am enjoying my yummy 0 point yogurt with some yummy 0 point tea. So that is right folks, I have eaten 0 points today! Woohoo! Now, if I can be just a good the rest of the day, all will be lovely!

Oh and two my darling companions, D & C, my horoscope today reads: "Think of the benefits that will come your way by teaming up with someone and getting an important job done." Thanks you two!! And good luck on your day 2!!

Day 1 of my 30-Day Shred

Holy crap does that work out kick my ass. And stupid me, I woke up so damn late to do it, I forgot to weigh myself, so I did a half assed weight later with wet hair and compensated and well, lets just say we will try again tomorrow.

245 though today, so not half bad for being off my diet.

And my food intake was good thanks to 0 point yogurt and jello. And I stayed up and active all day, more wins for me. Now if I can just keep this up, I'll be good. Yay for my 30 day girls, they are making this so easy!!

Anyway here is my infamous Day 1 picture. I blame C & D, who posted their pics. I felt like the odd man out. Why not all be in it together? And with the glasses on!!!

And keep in mind, this was me in January 2009, so I have come a VERY long way already. A lovely 50 lbs!! Wow, sometimes I don't realize the change until I actually see it with these pics. Holy cow! I can't wait to lose more!!

Feeling Stuck

Still feeling stuck. I can't get motivated to do anything. I thought I would try 1000 things, but none seem to pan out.

But I see good things. Smaller clothes, better stores to shop in, a new swimsuit, new changes in my body.

I told my friend C about 30 Day Shred and she loves it, and I love it, so we are going to keep each other motivated to it. I am starting this whole deal tomorrow again. Back on the diet, back to exercise, back to a better me. Time to get out of the rut.

Hmm...

So I am starting to find serenity now that my room is clean and organized again. It's wonderful. And I have found some music to settle my head, which is always a plus. It's almost amazing, the peace I have found. On a related note, cute guy lives across the street.

On the weight issue, I still feel really stuck. Somewhere around 245ish. Though really that comes from the fact that I CANNOT stay on my diet. At all. It's horrible. But I think I have found a way to re-energize this. Stay tuned.

Blog is behind!

I promise I'll catch up.