One Small Great Spark in a Shitacular Day

Current Weight: 283
Change in Weight: -2
Lbs to Goal 1 Weight: Lucky 7 baby!!
Goal 1 Prize: New Undies!!
Current Points Used Today: 24 and almost all at breakfast! Boo!!
Current Week Points Left: 34 (I didn't go over yesterday!!)
Current Activity Points Today: 0
Current Activity Weekly Total: 29
Current Mood: Excited by this...depressed by life.

I hate when things build up!! And they always have a habit of doing so. Life is a rollercoaster.

I had to go back to my college alma mater and give a talk about real life theatre work, but I really didn't want to go. I didn't want to do the talk, see the people, any of it! I did it because I was asked by my good friend, and I do love my friends. But the negative energy there just gets to me!

On top of that, I have a cold. Boo!

But what really just was the shit cherry on top of the shit sundae, was that coming back home, I got a speeding ticket. So now I am super mad at myself, and things just aren't working and life feels totally messy.

The good little silver thread that make sit all better, I LOST 10 POUNDS!!! How freaking cool is that?!?! And I was sor worried about having no exercise for 2 days and I was so afraid I would go over my points. But yesterday, I rocked and still had something like 14 points left! Today is going to be a little rougher as I have already eaten somewhere close to 24 points. We'll see...

...they are making pizza at home...

...erg....

...we'll see...

Unmotivated

Current Weight: 285
Change in Weight: -1
Lbs to Goal 1 Weight: 9 (single digit numbers! Yeah baby!)
Goal 1 Prize: I've changed my mind...new undies!!
Current Points Used Today: 28.5
Current Week Points Left: 34
Current Activity Points Today: 4
Current Activity Weekly Total: 29
Current Mood: Tired

I just could not get motivated today. I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to work out. I didn't want to go to work. I didn't even want to make dinner! It's no bueno. I have stayed good with my points though, luckily. But again, I still have 7.5 to use by the end of my day and it's 12:44. I even had Swedish Fish!! Can I tell you, Swedish Fish taste amazing when you can't have them!

I'm worried about tomorrow. I am going on a quick roadtrip back to my old college with some friends for the night. I know I am going to be eating out, and it's killing me that I won't be able to keep track of my food. It's so easy here at home, but it kills me going out. I've been checking www.dietfact.com to look for some healthy options, and double checking websites, and I have saved up all of my weekly points, and all of my activity points for the just in case scenarios. But I am still so nervous. I really want to do good.

I've discovered that I want to lie...take things back...cheat. I alway process the thought. Then I realize the computer doesn't care if I lie. The website doesn't care if I lie. The only person I am cheating, is me. And I can't truly cheat myself, can I. Why would I want to? It's actually kinda frustrating!

Miscounting and Point Follies...Oh and I Can't Cook a Baked Potato.

Current Weight: 286 probably
Change in Weight: 0
Lbs to Goal 1 Weight: 10
Goal 1 Prize: New Jeans!! (Unless I fit into my skinny jeans...then a new shirt or skirt!!)
Current Points Used Today: 25...only 11 left! And a whole meal to go! Yikes!!
Current Week Points Left: 35
Current Activity Points Today: 3
Current Activity Weekly Total: 23
Current Mood: Frustrated

I really fucked up baked potatoes tonight. It was bad! They came out all hard and raw. Of course I tried to eat it anyway and it was no bueno. Figures! I threw half of it away, chalked up the points the best I could and ate a wrap. Which of course cost me like crazy! Bollocks!!

Then I just felt generally sick, so I might not eat again for the rest of the day. Big sloppy end to a rather weird day.

Encouragement

Current Weight: 286! Yeah!!
Change in Weight: -1
Lbs to Goal 1 Weight: 10...that should be easy right?
Goal 1 Prize: New Jeans!! (Unless I fit into my skinny jeans...then a new shirt or skirt!!)
Current Points Used Today: 8
Current Week Points Left: 35 (Holla! Saving for Friday)
Current Activity Points Today: 3
Current Activity Weekly Total: 23
Current Mood: Feelin' good!

So I woke up today and was less then enthusiastic about exercising. But I wanted to check my weight on Wii Fit, so I hopped on anyway. I discovered I am down a pound and a half! Holla! Sure enough, that was enough motivation for me to do 15 minutes of yoga, and 20 minutes of ab stuff. Funny how that works.

Eating is still going well, but I am never using enough points. Last night I still had 7 points left over and I wasn't hungry, so I just left them. But of course they advise you to eat those points. I'm really scared that they will take away my points drastically next week if I don't use them, and what if I am less motivated to do this next week. I am trying today to spread them out a bit more so it's easier to reach my goal.

I'm hoping the weight change will help me stay motivated. And if that doesn't work, I'll look to J. One thing I can say is that the new lease on life is helping me stay motivated to be more on top of more things in my life. It's a nice change. It sort of reminds me of college.

When I was in college I had quite a day. I got up in the morning, did my class and radio stuff. Came home and had lunch and did showering and all that stuff. Then I would go do some work up at the theatre, maybe have a few more classes. Have some dinner, go to rehearsal all night, go out and party with friends, come home, crash and start all over again. So much happened in my day. Now I get up, have to drag myself to work on the few days I do. Mostly I sit around, have to convince myself to do anything: cook, clean, do work, etc. Take a shower, go to bed. It feels like I've lost my will to live. Emotionally I am still there, but physically, I have given up. And I HATE that feeling!! It needs to go away. Lately though, it is, and I am starting to make changes. I feel like I should be doing something, no scratch that, I WANT to be doing something most of the time I am just sitting and watching TV or whatever. So now I just have to find something.

Can This Be Right

Current Weight: 287, since it's been but a mere few hours
Change in Weight: 0
Lbs to Goal 1 Weight: 11
Goal 1 Prize: New Jeans!!
Current Points Used Today: 15.5
Current Week Points Left: 35
Current Activity Points Today: 9
Current Activity Weekly Total: 20
Current Mood: Tired and hurting

So I get 36 points a day. Which seems to me to be alot. I really don't feel like I'm on a diet at all. I still have 20.5 points left for today, and I've already eaten my big meal of the day. I don't know what I am going to spend them on. Maybe a wrap and chips? Maybe real chips! That would be so lovely. One of my yummy 3 point desserts should factor in somewhere too! Hmm...

Still, doesn't feel very diet-y to me.

Pain, pain, pain.

Current Weight: 287!!! Holla!!
Change in Weight: -5
Lbs to Goal 1 Weight: 11
Goal 1 Prize: New Jeans!!
Current Points Used Today: Only 3!
Current Week Points Left: 35
Current Activity Points Today: 9...shopping counts for a ton!!
Current Activity Weekly Total: 20
Current Mood: Hurting!!

Ok so I woke up this morning with the most incredible pain in my thighs (no laughing please!). And all I could think was that I really didn't think that I have pushed myself yesterday. And I didn't. Later on, I went to squat and lo and behold I figured it out. I was squatting constantly yesterday to talk to my kids in class! Bingo! Yahtzee!! I am the winner. Or loser. You know, it depends on how you look at it.

Anyway we went shopping today and I went low fat, no fat, diet, good point value crazy! I think I did a good job though. And I discovered today that Dad's chili is a mere 6 points a bowl!! Double holla! Of course that is without cheese and crackers which I will add like a mad woman. But I could have two bowls without and still be in a good range!! Yay!!

So all in all, day 2 of the diet is going well. Still working out the kinks in the program and a few in myself. And I know it is going to get harder because for every bloody good for you diet food I bought, the fam bought something extra super bad for you. Figures!

Goals

Current Weight: Still 293, same day and all...
Change in Weight: None
Lbs to Goal 1 Weight: 15.6
Goal 1 Prize: ??
Current Points Used Today: 25
Current Week Points Left: 35
Current Activity Points Today: 11 (Holla! Playing with kids counts like crazy!!)
Current Activity Weekly Total: 11
Current Mood: Rockin! Getting hungry though.


So it occured to me as I was reading some of the message boards, I need to have some sort of...prize structure for my goals. So goal 1 is 5% of my current weight which is 277.4. At the successful acheivment of my first goal, I will...ok I don't know yet...but I'm working on it...darn!

The First Step

Current Weight: A staggering 293 according to Wii Fit! (1lb more then what I registered on Weight Watchers last night!)
Current Points: 25
Current Week Points: 35
Current Activity Points Today: 5
Current Activity Weekly Total:
Current Mood: Really good, very positive!

So here is the deal, I weight nearly 300 lbs. No bueno! I am 25 now, and I need to take control. So I start here. After chatting with J at work I decided to start weight watchers. Of course it's not just her, I've been logging on to the site a lot in the past few weeks trying to decide if I wanted to do it or not. Of course, I never get my act together until after Christmas, so now that we are there, it's time to get serious.

I like the plan, I like the points system. And I like that I can sort of barter for more points, and even work a few in via exercise. It's a good deal. And I like that I can visually track it all, and even save my faves. Oh God...I sound like an add for the program! I assure I am not. In fact since this is day one, I guarentee there will be bad days when I hate the program.

So I work on an odd schedule, where I get up at noon, so I've had to go about and adjust the typical day schedule to my schedule, but I think I have worked it out. Eating today has been pretty easy, although getting enough milk has been tricky. The good new is my lattes are on the deal and only 2 points!! Of course I just have to be sure to order the skinny lattes!

Keep the fam on track might be tricky, but they seem open to it for the time being. We'll see how shopping does tomorrow of course. The cool thing is that I can access the site from my celly! I can double check everything before I buy it!

As far as exercise goes, I was able to earn 5 today! I did some yoga, and some dancing. I like to put on upbeat music and dance while I get ready for work. It's a nice workout! And productive. And I had my class today, where I was running around being silly with the kids, so that has to count for something right? Plus doesn't all cleaning count? And I might be doing laundry later, althought that can't count for too much. Hmm...I wonder...