Sunday, April 18, 2010

Some days!

I hate movies with torture or movies about the Holocaust or anything like that. I can not understand how any human being could do such harm. How is the human race capable of genocide, murder, slavery, any of it? It's awful.

Lately though, I am beginning to see how. I look at how I am treated at work. Or for that matter how some of my friends are treated at work. How dare you treat me like I am less then you, lower? Why do people come in to a theatre with such entitlement? I don't owe you shit!

This entire weekend had been full of people yelling and being rude. Treating me awfully. And a thousand other things. Cast member taking beer and soda and not paying it. Telling me they'll "kill everyone in the lobby" if they don't get a soda they can't pay for. Throwing things at me. Taking what they want.

I have never walked into somewhere and just expected everyone on the staff to swan around me and give me everthing I want. And I am an attention whore! I love attention. It's been the reason I have lost friends and squandered relationships. I want attention and I want it now and I want it my way. But I never do this shit in public and dump it on some poor unsuspecting person who is just trying to do their job.

People are horrible! And I am sick and tired of it.

And more and more, I feel like I am being told to just deal with it. Let the petulant and spoiled behavior continue and just ignore it. Why? No one should ever be rewarded for that type of behavior. People who are kind an patient should be rewarded.

On a somewhat related note, I really am starting to hate and despise everything (and in some cases, everyone) I once loved. Is it the things I love that are changing? Or is it me? Am I disengaging from it all to save myself the pain when I leave in August? Is it a sign for God, or the gods, or the Universe that this is not my rightful place any more? Am I becoming someone else? Are they?

I wish I had the answer.


  1. I think you are changing. I mean on top of the weight loss which you are doing wonderfully and the right way, you're about to move away from one of the only places you've ever lived. Of course you're changing. But I can only see if for the better! You're becoming healthier stronger and someday you're going to be able to walk back into that theatre, up to those people who were rude to you and say "Remember those days you treated me like shit? Well guess whose the boss now?" and then fire their asses! Or refuse to give them a job!! Or give them a job and then fire them!!
    I love you and stay strong!

    PS: Do need to come make some bitches cry?

  2. Thanks! Yes, you do need to come and make them cry. It's mostly customers, and the cast from the rental. And one jackass in the cast of our show.

    I feel much better. I am writing a new blog a little later.