Bro moving out is SUPER FRUSTRATING!! I just want this to be my own space!
Sorta blew my diet today and probably a little last night too. I forgot to do my weight as well. Oops. Oh well.
Is it weird that I am envious of celebs because they get to go to award shows? That's silly huh?
I did a really good job cleaning my room today. Took a lot of work, but it's so very nice and zen now. R came over and kept me company for a bit while I did it, then we hung out for awhile. We've decided we need to have R&R day every Sunday to keep up on TV. It's going to keep us close.
Cali is weighing heavily on my mind today. It might be why I am in such a weird mood (hence the random blog!). I also blame a lack of friends to hang out with (why doesn't everyone have Monday off?) and bf (despite last blog, I know!) because I am so freaking bored!!
Monday, October 5, 2009
Oh, Lately it's so Quiet
So the power just went out, but I'm not annoyed at all. I was being entirely too distracted by late night TV. I decided to come back and sit outside. It's surprisingly bright out here for this late hour. Breeze is nice. And it's so quiet. The people next door are out on their balcony as well and I can hear someone down on the street as well. But otherwise, it's relativly quiet. Of course as I write this, a siren is blaring in the distance. Figures.
So today I ate quite alot again. But I sorta felt like I needed it after my long week. I plan to be back on tomorrow.
Bro is moving out this weekend. It's nice because I feel like him leaving will help declutter the house which in turn will help declutter my life. That would be a lovely feeling!
Rehearsal tomorrow night, then I might help the Bro and finally Star Max Itrek tomorrow at midnight!! Hells to the yeah!!
So today I ate quite alot again. But I sorta felt like I needed it after my long week. I plan to be back on tomorrow.
Bro is moving out this weekend. It's nice because I feel like him leaving will help declutter the house which in turn will help declutter my life. That would be a lovely feeling!
Rehearsal tomorrow night, then I might help the Bro and finally Star Max Itrek tomorrow at midnight!! Hells to the yeah!!
A Moments Clarity
Original Weight: 293
Last Weight: 252
Current Weight: 252
Change in Weight: 0
Mood: Ha!
I know that I'm silly and ditzy and borderline crazy, but sometimes I have moments of absolute calrity. Complete lucidity!! I eureka moment!!!
Today, I had one of those moments!
This whole day just felt like a VERY positive day! I set my alarm for 11, even though I wanted to wake up at 10. But instead of snoozing until like 11:40 like yesterday, I got up at 11! So small victory!
Getting ready for the designer run seemed easy and running it seemed even easier. The kids took the show from like 1 hr. 45 min, to 1 hr. 9 min!! They impressed the hell out of me!!
So after rehearsal, L and I stood out and talked for a while. She is just so great, she as done so much and wanted so much and she really does think like I do when it comes to men and relationships.
I DO NOT WANT A MAN TO DEFINE ME!!! I DO NOT WANT TO STOP MY DREAMS FOR A MAN!!! I WILL LOSE THIS WEIGHT!!! I WILL MOVE TO CALIFORNIA!!!
Then, and only then will I consider settleing down. I don't want to be her age and feel her regret! In 20 years, I don't want to tell myself that I 'shoulda, coulda, woulda'
If everyone else can do it, I can too!! I have the tenacity to do it! My horoscope and birthday always say so and I don't care if you believe in astrology or not because it's my talisman and I what I need to keep my life force driving in this direction.
I CAN!!
I WILL!!
Last Weight: 252
Current Weight: 252
Change in Weight: 0
Mood: Ha!
I know that I'm silly and ditzy and borderline crazy, but sometimes I have moments of absolute calrity. Complete lucidity!! I eureka moment!!!
Today, I had one of those moments!
This whole day just felt like a VERY positive day! I set my alarm for 11, even though I wanted to wake up at 10. But instead of snoozing until like 11:40 like yesterday, I got up at 11! So small victory!
Getting ready for the designer run seemed easy and running it seemed even easier. The kids took the show from like 1 hr. 45 min, to 1 hr. 9 min!! They impressed the hell out of me!!
So after rehearsal, L and I stood out and talked for a while. She is just so great, she as done so much and wanted so much and she really does think like I do when it comes to men and relationships.
I DO NOT WANT A MAN TO DEFINE ME!!! I DO NOT WANT TO STOP MY DREAMS FOR A MAN!!! I WILL LOSE THIS WEIGHT!!! I WILL MOVE TO CALIFORNIA!!!
Then, and only then will I consider settleing down. I don't want to be her age and feel her regret! In 20 years, I don't want to tell myself that I 'shoulda, coulda, woulda'
If everyone else can do it, I can too!! I have the tenacity to do it! My horoscope and birthday always say so and I don't care if you believe in astrology or not because it's my talisman and I what I need to keep my life force driving in this direction.
I CAN!!
I WILL!!
Monday, June 8, 2009
Yikes!
Original Weight: 293
Last Weight: 255
Current Weight: 252
Change in Weight: -3
Mood:
You know I'm still not having the best week. You would think that with maintaining the same bloody 5 lobs and having a rough weekend, and havine stomach problems attached to that, I would learn my lesson and eat well!
But alas, I went out and had BBQ last night! And I don't even enjoy it because the whold time I am thinking about how many points it is!
Today was a little better, even though it didn't start out well because I ate my left over BBQ. But luckily dinner was saving because it was burritos, and I even had enough left over to buy a Frutista! So yay! Hell, I still think I have some left over.
I am almost afraid of stepping on the scale though. I know, it's sad, and I need to own up to my over-eating, but I just can't do it! Maybe tomorrow. Maybe. I have to soon, and if I do it tomorrow it will give me an idea of where I stand and what I need to do.
I need to go to bed too. Sleep helps me from over-eating.
Last Weight: 255
Current Weight: 252
Change in Weight: -3
Mood:
You know I'm still not having the best week. You would think that with maintaining the same bloody 5 lobs and having a rough weekend, and havine stomach problems attached to that, I would learn my lesson and eat well!
But alas, I went out and had BBQ last night! And I don't even enjoy it because the whold time I am thinking about how many points it is!
Today was a little better, even though it didn't start out well because I ate my left over BBQ. But luckily dinner was saving because it was burritos, and I even had enough left over to buy a Frutista! So yay! Hell, I still think I have some left over.
I am almost afraid of stepping on the scale though. I know, it's sad, and I need to own up to my over-eating, but I just can't do it! Maybe tomorrow. Maybe. I have to soon, and if I do it tomorrow it will give me an idea of where I stand and what I need to do.
I need to go to bed too. Sleep helps me from over-eating.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Calming Down
Original Weight: 293
Last Weight: 252
Current Weight: 255
Change in Weight: +3
Mood: Eh...
So for the most part, things are ok. I know I seemed a little...manic, the past few blogs, but really it's just a lot of built of frustration.
I am happy I reached the 40lb mark, even if I did fall a bit. I kinda hate that I squandered it away. I keep doing that. I need to get more discipline!
I am still at 255, which is one of the lowest weights I've ever been. I mean I know at some point, I must have been this weight. But I'll be damned if I remember when. It's probably been too long. And I've never exactly been weight conscious.
So I am back on the diet and I am going to try to go full force again. Tracking and everything! Just focus and try to go for it. I need to watch when I go out with J&S though. That is where I get in trouble. Although I was careful last night.
Anyway, to the friend front. J&S are so great! They've really stepped up to replace the vacant R. And I hardly ever have time to see C&A anymore. One of my high school friends, who's also named Rochelle, had become a lot closer as well!
I see the old group some of the time. We all went out a few nights ago and it was a ton of fun! But it's hard now with some of them being in new relationships.
I know I keep saying that I really want someone right now, but I really don't think it's in my best interest. Anbd I think I might actually be ok with that.
Well...maybe....
Last Weight: 252
Current Weight: 255
Change in Weight: +3
Mood: Eh...
So for the most part, things are ok. I know I seemed a little...manic, the past few blogs, but really it's just a lot of built of frustration.
I am happy I reached the 40lb mark, even if I did fall a bit. I kinda hate that I squandered it away. I keep doing that. I need to get more discipline!
I am still at 255, which is one of the lowest weights I've ever been. I mean I know at some point, I must have been this weight. But I'll be damned if I remember when. It's probably been too long. And I've never exactly been weight conscious.
So I am back on the diet and I am going to try to go full force again. Tracking and everything! Just focus and try to go for it. I need to watch when I go out with J&S though. That is where I get in trouble. Although I was careful last night.
Anyway, to the friend front. J&S are so great! They've really stepped up to replace the vacant R. And I hardly ever have time to see C&A anymore. One of my high school friends, who's also named Rochelle, had become a lot closer as well!
I see the old group some of the time. We all went out a few nights ago and it was a ton of fun! But it's hard now with some of them being in new relationships.
I know I keep saying that I really want someone right now, but I really don't think it's in my best interest. Anbd I think I might actually be ok with that.
Well...maybe....
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
More Frustrations
Original Weight: 293
Last Weight: 252
Current Weight: 252
Change in Weight: 0
Mood: Frustrated! Still!!
Why the hell does my life have to be so shitty right now?! GRRR!!! I want to fucking scream!!
And fucking R keeps rubbing the new BF in my face!
I can do better then this! And I can be better then this!! And I will!! I'm at 40 lbs. I just need to stay on plan and start my running.
I WILL DO THIS!
150 lbs. total! I don't want to do anything less.
Last Weight: 252
Current Weight: 252
Change in Weight: 0
Mood: Frustrated! Still!!
Why the hell does my life have to be so shitty right now?! GRRR!!! I want to fucking scream!!
And fucking R keeps rubbing the new BF in my face!
I can do better then this! And I can be better then this!! And I will!! I'm at 40 lbs. I just need to stay on plan and start my running.
I WILL DO THIS!
150 lbs. total! I don't want to do anything less.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Frustration!
So I am making this more about everything and not just my weight. It's my whole guide to becoming a new me all around.
Original Weight: 293
Last Weight: 258 ish
Current Weight: 252
Change in Weight: 6 ish
Mood: Frustrated!
I am so very, very, very sick of being fat! Just disgusted with it and disgusted with myself for being this way. I can do better! This is below me.
I hate that I can't get a boyfriend because of it! It's bullshit! I'm fun! I'm pretty! And I deserve it!
I fell off for awhile and was eating whatever the fuck I wanted. No bueno! I gained too much! BAD! BAD! BAD!
And the bullshit part is that all my friends are hooked up now and happy. And I have no part in it. Single ladies club is getting small.
But like I said I can do better and I will! I am going to start running. I am going to do the couch to 5K. I will do better. And I will be thinner. End of story.
Sorry....I had a bad, bad, bad day. More on that later.
Original Weight: 293
Last Weight: 258 ish
Current Weight: 252
Change in Weight: 6 ish
Mood: Frustrated!
I am so very, very, very sick of being fat! Just disgusted with it and disgusted with myself for being this way. I can do better! This is below me.
I hate that I can't get a boyfriend because of it! It's bullshit! I'm fun! I'm pretty! And I deserve it!
I fell off for awhile and was eating whatever the fuck I wanted. No bueno! I gained too much! BAD! BAD! BAD!
And the bullshit part is that all my friends are hooked up now and happy. And I have no part in it. Single ladies club is getting small.
But like I said I can do better and I will! I am going to start running. I am going to do the couch to 5K. I will do better. And I will be thinner. End of story.
Sorry....I had a bad, bad, bad day. More on that later.
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